Summer Solstice of 2012
Life was a mess. It was chaotic, loud and messy. I never felt like I could think or get anything done with all the brain fog. It seemed like we were always trying to catch up and never getting anywhere. Everyone else demanded my time and energy and I had nothing left for me.
It was 2012, the dawn of the Aquarian Age, and I thought to myself - “if this is as good as it gets, we’re going to be in trouble.” At that point in time, our two little boys were under three years old, and we were caring for them at home. We had a busy life running the Awareness Center, managing home and work responsibilities. Both Guru Darshan and I were extremely exhausted with sleep deprivation and the effects of stress. Needless to say, our marriage was in a very shaky spot. We had a hard time communicating about anything without pushing each other's buttons, and we were fighting. A lot. In retrospect, I can look back now and see how I was deeply affected by postpartum depression and debilitating chronic fatigue and an autoimmune condition. But at the time, I just felt angry. With my adrenals so depleted and the fatigue draining the life from me, all I had access to was anger. I felt unseen and unheard by my husband. We were both working on ourselves and the relationship in a variety of ways, but it wasn’t enough. I knew that we had to do something big to shake us out of the toxic patterns we kept repeating.
I prayed to Spirit.
My whole heart went into my prayer, and I asked for guidance. “What do we do? How do we shift out of this mess?” Spirit came back instantly with a clear message:
GO TO SUMMER SOLSTICE IN NEW MEXICO. RENEW YOUR WEDDING VOWS IN THE SACRED MEDICINE WHEEL. THIS WILL HEAL THE KARMA IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
Following my usual protocol “Act first, think later.” I signed us up immediately. It was only when we were on the road to Solstice that it occurred to me, what had I gotten us into?
Our journey to Summer Solstice was nothing less than epic. We drove 22 hours each way in our Toyota Sienna with six people and all of our stuff. Two of those people were 2 ½ and nine months old. We were packed in like sardines with camping gear and everything we would need to survive the intense experience of Ram Das Puri with children.
During our car ride, one of our favorite things to say when things got crazy was, “We’re making memories!” And yes, maybe it does make a better memory than when we were experiencing it. It was as if Guru Darshan and I needed to take on something that was way more challenging than our life already was, so we could face it together and win. Like the time when baby Raphael was screaming and crying, and we had already stopped ten times, and we needed to make some progress forward on the highway. So I got into the back and nursed him while he was in his car seat to help him calm down. Yogic flexibility and ingenuity.
The trip was all about surrender for me. Surrendering to the many things I couldn’t control and learning to just be with them. Like getting horrible altitude sickness and having a nursing baby to care for. Like being surrounded by hundreds of people sleeping in their tents and dealing with our two-year-olds screaming night terrors. Like that night when I had been carrying the kids around in the hot, arid, dusty camp and I hadn’t had a shower, and when I got there they had turned off the water to conserve, and I went back to the tent and tried to fall asleep, and my baby peed on me. I didn’t have the energy to get up, so I slept in a puddle of his pee. It was THAT kind of surrender.
I remember thinking, “This is supposed to be fun! We are supposed to be doing yoga and meditation and loving life. All the other shiny happy people look blissed out and at peace. But I am miserable. Where is the enlightenment of the Aquarian Age that we were promised?” Finally, we got to do one yoga class and one-morning sadhana. Then we did a ½ day of White Tantric Yoga, and suddenly the world started looking like a different place. I could finally see what everyone was smiling about.
We gathered our friends and my teacher, Dr. Santokh Khalsa together and did the renewal of our wedding vows in the Medicine Wheel. I felt so grateful and elated to be there with my husband and family, surrounded by a few dear friends. This is what life is all about. Kundalini Yoga and Meditation gives us this experience over and over again. Life is tough, challenging, hard, and absolutely impossible. Then it is not. Then its blissful, joyous, connected and full of blessings. In that moment of happiness, I prayed that I would always remember to appreciate the highs and lows equally. To recognize that nothing lasts forever and that every aspect of life must be cherished and embraced.
Even though the changes didn’t happen right away, I knew from that moment at Summer Solstice that our marriage would heal, grow and thrive. It no longer mattered how long it took or what the path looked like. God blessed us with a “Keep Up” attitude, and we would stay committed to transforming no matter what. I held on to that promise like a precious jewel of hope… and it sustained us through the darkness and transformed us into the light of love.
Now, we have the marriage we always dreamed about.
No, it is not perfect. We still push each other's buttons. We still argue. But with much less frequency and intensity. We have given up our resentment, past baggage and the need to control each other in order to serve, heal, teach and grow together.
I’m thrilled to say that we are officially co-owners and managers of the Awareness Center now. Guru Darshan is running the center with our amazing team and me. He is stepping into his power as a business owner and creator. It is very exciting to watch him share his gifts with others in this new way. Now our work, family, community and home life is united by our spiritual practice and connection to the Divine.
We are here “Keeping Up!” We are ready to make more memories together - and with all of you.
Blessed Summer Solstice to you and your family.
Wahe Guru Kaur
Co-owner and Visionary
Awareness Center Yoga and Healing, since 1974